Pay Attention!

Just over fourteen years ago my father suffered a stroke, and was soon thereafter (in a matter of hours) diagnosed with colon cancer. We weren't given much hope that he would survive the surgery (which he did), and when his chemotherapy became toxic to his body we were not given much hope that he would survive that, either. (Which he did.)

So many things happened so quickly during those long months I wish I could remember with clarity -- it was a time of deep, hard learning for me which gave birth to a renewed faith -- but it was only in hindsight that I thought to keep a journal.

Some months removed from all crises, I decided to begin keeping one -- faithfully. I bought a very nice leatherbound one, in fact. There is still not a word written in it, because truthfully? Some days just aren't interesting enough to bother messing up that book -- and when something momentous DOES happen I realized that little threads from all those duller than dirt days had some part in the event -- and, darn it, who has time to backtrack?

I spent my life waiting for the "big event" and lost all the small ones.

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On April 30, 2003, 5'2" tall and at 155 pounds, I started what I intend to be the last weight-loss diet of my life. The first thing I did was begin journaling every scrap of food -- and I made an interesting observation. My problem wasn't so much what I was eating (well, okay, part of it was), it was that I ate without thinking every single time I passed through, stood in, or otherwise was in proximity to any room in which there was food.

To combat this I devised a very complicated strategy: When I'd find my hand where it oughtn't be, I would say out loud, "PAY ATTENTION." And honey? If I could figure out a way to sell that as a complete diet plan I could retire.

This worked so well in terms of my weight (I now skitter between 113 - 118, and have remained below my goal weight of 120 pounds for 18 months now -- a huge accomplishment for this lifelong yo-yo-er) I began to apply that motto to other areas of my life.

Paying attention hasn't made my problems disappear, it hasn't solved the world's problems, but what I find amazing is that on my very worst days if I pay attention to what is going on around me it is impossible to wallow.

It is sometimes a forced thing: it's fun to be in a godawful mood sometimes! But on days when nothing goes right, paying attention has shown me the following:

By and large, people are kind to one another.

Most of the time, the worst outcomes we contemplate never come to pass.

Never, ever, is there anything so horrible in a day that there doesn't come some grace note that makes it easier to put one foot in front of another.

Sometimes it's a nice thing to realize that just because your day is shot, something lovely is going on in someone else's.

These are things we miss when we don't pay attention.

They are the moments we usually overlook.

But they are the stuff of life.