Celebrating a Century

In 1908, 35 of Montgomery's most distinguished women met for the first time to establish a new Women's Club, devoted to the ideals of "intellectual studies and philanthropy." They named this group The Twentieth Century Club, and I wonder if a single one of them ever dreamed that on January 18, 2008, almost that many women (we've suffered one recent death of a member, and others were unable to attend for various and sundry reasons) would gather in the home of one of its members and wind up drinking champagne and wearing paper crowns.

I'm thinking "no."

That's my mother and me up there, by the way, and she's been a member for 30 years. I've been in for going on 10 years. When I was asked to join, I was the youngest member by far, and there are now women in there younger than I.

I will never forget my first meeting as a member. I joined with some sense of trepidation -- these were mostly people part of Montgomery's Old Guard, and while I had been raised in their company, I never felt a part of that. (Darn my parents for refusing to put our silver spoons in our mouths before we got a chance to see what life was like eating from them!) I wound up never pledging a sorority (which thrilled my decidedly down-to-earth and not interested in fal-de-rol mother), not marrying an up and coming mover/shaker (except in the earthiest sense, of course), and for HEAVEN'S SAKE -- I wear blue jeans nearly every day.

Okay, so I have been known to wear pearls at the same time. Some things are just in your blood.

I digress.

My inaugural meeting found me running quite late, and I bounded to the top of the stairs at THE Country Club (and yes, you capitalize the "the") where I was met by my mother and the undisputable Grand Dame of Montgomery Society, Madera Spencer. A look of horror passed over their faces, and I knew why in that instant -- I had forgotten to put on my lipstick. In the split second it took me to figure that out, both of them had reached into their pocketbooks and had drawn out their lipsticks to offer me. It was rather like walking through those raised, crossed swords at a fancy military ball. ;-)

Once inside, with properly dressed lippage, I took my place at a beautifully decorated table and listened attentively to the program for the day. It was a speaker from the State Archives, and I do remember that it was quite fascinating. The details escape me now, because while I was listening I was also thinking ahead to when lunch would be served, and what was I supposed to do then???

These women out-aged me by at least 30 years, and most of them by far more than that. What on earth would we have in common?

It didn't take me long to find out.

We all love to laugh. We all know the trappings are silly, but something in us responds in a deep and true way to those traditions; many of us have had troubled children and lived through to the other side with humor intact; we all recognize that there is something to treasure in these moments we spend together once a month.

But we are not all cut from the same cloth: there are doctors, lawyers, architects, shrewd businesswomen, and women who "just" stayed home and raised their children and volunteered with wisdom and great enthusiasm in virtually every area of need in this city.

There was a moment at this Anniversary Celebration when the room seemed to divide in two, at least in my mind. I looked at so many of the sweet faces of these women, divinely ridiculous looking in our paper crowns while we sipped champagne and ate off antique handpainted Herend china, and realized how many wonderful gifts I have received because of my association with them, chief among them this: I don't fear getting old so much anymore.

I used to think -- as all young people do -- that the "elderly" are to be pitied. Sure there are aches and pains and losses, but for those who are fortunate enough to maintain their sense of self, age allows us to take a different view of life, and gives us ample opportunity to winnow down the list of things we only think are earth-shatteringly important when we are younger.

Here's what I've learned -- so far:

You are never too old to laugh at a really good dirty joke.

Life is good, even when it stinks.

Sharing a laugh with a friend (even if you are drawing a blank on her name right that second) is to be cherished.

Having somewhere to go that requires you to put on stockings and lipstick can, when you are 80, be the thing that keeps you from sitting in your house alone after you've lost your spouse.

People fill you up -- not things, not food, not liquor, not bank accounts.

It is every bit as easy to remember the moments when life sings as the moments when it offers nothing but empty silence, if we take care to make note of them in our hearts.

I close with the prayer that we pray at the beginning of each meeting. I used to think these were pretty -- but hollow -- words, but no more. I see this prayer in the flesh on the third Friday of each month (October - May).

"Keep us, oh God, from pettiness;

Let us be large in thought, in word, in deed.

Let us be done with fault-finding, and leave off self-seeking.

May we put away all pretense

And meet each other face to face -- without self-pity and without prejudice.

May we always be generous and never hasty in judgment.

Let us take time for all things.

Make us grow calm, serene, gentle.

Teach us to put into action our better impulses,

straightforwardly and unafraid.

Grant that we may realize it is the little things that create differences;

that in the big things of life we are as one.

And may we strive to touch and to know the great common woman's heart of us all.

And, oh Lord God,

Let us not forget to be kind."

~ Mary Stewart~ 1904